Sis, you know he is not good for you, and not great for the Kingdom God has called you to build.

I get it. You are seeing your friends getting married or popping babies left and right. You feel ‘left behind’. And you question God, “Where is the man you have for me, God?”

Just because you feel lonely or depressed, do not settle for a relationship way beneath your standard. Through a series of conversations, reflections, and prayers with the Lord, I hope to share my learnings in hopes I can convince you to not settle for less than God’s best.

1. Do not be unequally yoked

“Why were you okay with all the ways he disrespects and does not protect you?” asked she.

The best thing you can do to love yourself is to walk away with your head held high and never look back. The best thing you can do to love him is to leave and pray. Trust that, this is God’s protection for you.

God knew you were going to settle so He had to pull the relationship from under you. Sometimes we clench our fists so tightly around something, afraid to let it go, but by doing that we don’t allow more good things to come in. For a reason you cannot see now, God wants you to wait.

Allow God to take some things away to make room for the GOOD He has in store.

God used the analogy of oxen to describe what it means to be equally yoked.  That if one ox, walking together is going faster ahead than the other, the ox will choke, from having the weight of the other ox pulling her back.

Have you ever asked, “Why does God want me to marry a believer?”

Of course there is no perfect man, but a man who love God will be someone who still struggle with sin, but he will understand how he needs to pour into you & cherish you as a blessing that God gave him. On the flipside the man who is in love with his flesh, is a man who can not respect your walk with God. He won’t be able to support your growth and his own.

Do not deprive yourself of the amazing intimacy you can have over your spiritual life. Make sure your love and focus for God does not waver by the desire for a man. The man who loves God will not pull you from that path.

2. No man or relationship can satisfy the love you are craving

“Why were you okay with a man who does not love God, your beloved?”

If he doesn’t love God first and foremost, he cannot love you the way God wants you to be loved.

Maybe you were thirsty. Maybe you are dehydrated and looking for affirmation and love in the wrong places. So now, reorient your heart to Jesus’ words. Now is the time to work on yourselves. While you are single, invest in yourself for the future marriage you’ve dreamed about. Your problem in singleness does not end in marriage. It takes work, so you better get working now.

Build your talents.Build deep friendships.

Build your wisdom.Build your character.

Build your relationship with God.

The intimacy of friendships and with God during our time of singleness will deepen the way you will one day relate with your spouse. If you do not have the depths of these relationships now, it will make shallow your relationship with your future husband.

My prayer lately to God has been, that “I don’t just want a husband, I want God to teach me to be a wife.”

It takes me finding myself whole in Christ first—to be secure in my singleness. That when my future husband and I meet, we will both already both be whole.

3. You are already whole

The devil will try to attack you where the Lord will bless

It will be a long road. You may get tired in the waiting. You may be tempted to settle. Find your triggers. It may be when you are physically tired. When you feel rejected. When there is conflict in the office. And you needed that comfort. Or reassurance. In times like these, for me, I called a friend to remind me of His truth:

“I want to be loved and wanted and desired.” I said.

“But you are already, loved Tam. You are already whole.  You are His beloved. And He is your beloved.” She gently reminded.

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He has made you whole. And He is 'Immanuel, God with us'.

You may be afraid to be alone again. In each season—single or dating— learn to accept its responsibilities and privileges. In singleness, you can run with undivided attention towards the Lord:

We do not choose gifts, remember? We are given them by a divine Giver who knows the end from the beginning, and wants above all else to give us the gift of Himself. It is within the sphere fo the circumstances He chooses for us—single, married, widowed—that we receive Him. It is there and nowhere ellse that He makes Himself known to us. It is there that we are allowed to serve Him- E.Elliot, Let Me Be a Woman.

So, do not worry about tomorrow. You don’t know how long you have until you meet your persons, but you know what you have in your hands now.

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No more wanting to be wanted more than being respected.

No more settling for someone who treat you less than a daughter of God.

You will be the one who will break your generational curse. You will be the one you’ve prayed for to raise godly children in your family.

Until the Lord bring about an equal—someone whose vision, principles, character, matches.

x,

Tam