I was on my way to San Fransisco for a media briefing with 100 medias like WSJ , Harper's Bazaar and Forbes. As I walked into Jakarta's airport immigration portal, a banner of the event I will be speaking in is stretched for all to see before entering their gates. 3 years into the business; this was one of those career highs moments.

Flashback, it was just past December, when I had to go to Singapore out of my "meltdown episode" of "I want to quit my business" from the pilled up work stress.

I was working from a place of exhaustion. And I thought, "what am I doing all these for?" I wanted out the rat race I find myself in but I didn't know how.

It was thrilling yet tiring. It was everything I wanted and more, yet I felt something was deeply missing and I am drifting away from how I am supposed to live life.

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I drove an hour from San Fransisco to the home of a mentor whom have arrived high up the social impact career ladder --a board member at global nonprofits, advisor for an IPO-ed startup, and founded her own organization to help other leaders. Over a cup of tea to warm ourselves from the cold outside, we sat on the floor and she said, "You know, it is very blessed to live a quiet life--away from fame."

I was baffled. Here I was, everything I was set out to do is to build my name in the industry. I did not understand.

The Way of the World

She went on to share stories how she know of philanthropists whose fame was more of a curse than a blessing. From the outside the world see the million of dollars donated for ocean cleanup, but the inner circle knows of the hypocrisy of not living what he/she preaches. Fame allows for pride to creep silently and hypocrisy to flourish.

I stayed quiet, because I could see myself falling to the same trap. The more I get my foot at the door of the top 10% of the world, the more addicted I had become to pry that door open. The inner voice inquired: "Has the venture become a vehicle more for personal gains than it is to serve the mission?"

Like a slap to my ego, she asked: "Who are you shining the spotlight on? You or God? Posting on your speaking gigs may brings commercial benefit. The focus should not be on your wit or grit, you know the spotlight should be on God who is working through you.”

To believe God doesn't need my bricks. One way to train to reign our ambition is to say "no". To say no to good opportunities that may present themselves and know that God will still make His impact without you. To train myself to pray for discernment for what I am called to do, rather than taking all opportunities to get ahead—as if it is up to us to ‘make it’.

"The way you are treating the people who cannot give back to you' is an indicator to your heart's posture.”

"Tam, focus on whom the Lord calls you to --the broken, the unseen, and the marginalized. Focus on the young girls who may want to look into your journey." My mentor reminded. It was a valuable reminder. I have been distracted with pleasing people and things that ultimately won't matter much. Will the Instagram followers or media coverages be the things that remind people of you? Or will it be the way you show up and be present for them?

"Lord, open my heart to the lost--whoever it be on our path."

To Copartner With God and others.

It's perhaps not a ladder you climb. It is a mountain you are traversing with fellow sojourners.

I walked into Chapel, with the topic, "Dream to Destiny" expecting the chapel to be about dreaming big for God to launch us to our destiny. Oh boy, I was wrong. The chapel was about sleep! The speaker recounted the Biblical story of Joseph, who because he slept, God spoke through a life-changing dream--that Mary is to give birth to a Savior. Again a second time, when Pharaoh wanted to kill all firstborns, it was through a dream God told him to leave to Egypt.

In this restful way of Jesus, God can work even in our sleep.

To be in the world but not of requires us to run our lives to the speed of a different drummer.

Do you know that the word ‘rest’ is found more in the Bible than the word ‘love’? Our body is the car we drive in to fulfill God's mission be the the hands and feet of Jesus. What will it look like to start with rest and then work. Perhaps I no longer need to think about all the accolades I could get in this lifetime, rather the depth of relationship and quality of experience I could build.

My life is but a dust, blown by the wind of His leading.

A sojourner.

On a foreign land.

Trusting God.

For where He takes next.

My root is not to be in any land, any man, but in the steady soil of God alone.

Ps. All the view from the ladder you climb will still feel empty without having God to go through it and with. Stay focus on the mission to be repairers of broken walls, restorers of the street of dwellings,

T.W.