I ran as hard as I could to the gate of my plane that will take me to Washington D.C. That night, to my horror, they had closed the gate minutes before I got there. I was SO upset. I came back to my dorm that somehow looked drearier than before and cried. 

Thoughts of  “what-ifs” started flooding my mind:  I could have been there right now, networking with C-suites execs at the Women CEO’s Summit. I thought of the prestige, connection, and power I could have gained. A missed opportunity. 

God used this to reveal what’s in my heart. I realized that the cry for significance is above the goal of glorifying God, using God as the means for the self. “God, if you would just bless me in this!”, seeing Him as a dispenser of good luck. I convinced myself “I am doing it for the glory of God!”, but this was nothing but self-deceit. Behind my cloak of righteousness” was the drive to “be significant”—to be served, not to serve, instead of to desire to grow into Christ, the head of all things (Eph 4:15).

In this entrepreneurially zealous world, busyness, achievements, power define success. Although, most people on their pursuit for success live an isolating life, prioritizing power over people. I was on that road—so readily shutting people out. 

A Different path. We are constantly faced with two competing voices: one calling us to “succeed and achieve”, the other inviting us to “simply rest in the comfort that we are the ‘beloved of God.” The latter voice allows us to put people over profits. 

We tend to forget that our real gift is not so much what we can do, but who we are. The greater question becomes, “who can be be for each other?’ instead of “what can we offer to each other?” If I recall on the most memorable and life-giving gifts someone had given me, these are the gift of friendship, of a listening ear, of care, and of patience--among the many. 

Nouwen, an Ivy league professor dedicated the last 10 years of his life in L’Arche, a community caring for the disabled. It was  through this community, Nouwen could truly listen to the second voice. These people with disabilities served as a reminder that people’s value is not in their economic worth; As their hearts cried not for the cultural obsessions for power and status, but for the most important of all: love. 

Our worth is not found in self-actualization. What will that make, then, for those who struggle with disabilities. Our humanity is at its best when we embrace our weakness and dependency on our Maker. We become less ‘human’ as we replace our unconditional worth in Christ with conditional approval, achievement, and status from humans.

I interviewed Dr.Barry Corey, the president of BIOLA University last month. He told me, more than anything, he wants to be known for his relationship with people more than for programs or buildings.

The Christian life is not about us trying to live for God, because we really cant measure up to His standards; rather it is about God living through us. – Biju Thampy, founder of Vision Rescue

This way, personal success is a product of obedience not of our achievement. Since the early centuries, the distinctive mark of Christians is not their political greatness, but their sacrificial love. God calls us to proclaim what He has done more than co-partnering with Him to redeem the world. It is less of what we can do for God and more of what His grace is all about. 

If we truly see that we work from Life, not for Life, maybe we will choose silence over busyness. Maybe we will choose service over building up our resumes. If we truly understand that we work from Love and for Love, maybe it means showing up to that mundane workplace everyday though no one is watching. Maybe it's taking that less popular decision

What if, instead of spending every waking moment being ‘productive’,we said no to the things we don’t need to do and yes to only the things we are called to do. 

“His delight is not in the strength of the horse, nor his pleasure in the legs of a man, but the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.” - Psalms 147:10-11

God calls us to realize our dependency and proclaim His majesty. What may appear weak and trifling to us may be great and glorious to God. With great discernment, may we be able to proclaim trustingly that God is calling us to faithfulness more than fruitfulness. 

God, help me to no longer invest in my own kingdom, but to pour myself into Christ’s kingdom--so that in losing myself I may gain Christ (Phil 3:8) Lord I lay my crown down so the fullness of your plan will come to past. 

X, 

Tam