INTRODUCTION

Life seemed to be put on hold. In one day, I had to rewrite my upcoming half-year. Heck, even the next day. Being a planner that I am, imagine me tearing apart the few pages where I had jotted down my dreams and goals for the semester and threw it to the trash can. I had to start over with a clean slate of paper. But, through this, I had learned to appreciate the beauty in the messy in-between-- the time of waiting in the unknown.

The News

It was during finals week. In my dorm room, my phone rang and I picked up the call. On the other line was a family member. A few minutes had passed and I hung up. I was surprised by the news that I might not be able to come back to school the next semester. I didn’t paid much attention to it still. Fast forward, I was back home in Jakarta, still without assurance if I will go back to school. Waiting for a miracle, my life seemed to be on hold.

Going Back

It was the first day of school and I had to miss it. The following week, I flew to the States to pack up my stuffs in the dorm room. I was devastated. I love my life in the States so much and I always dreaded coming home to Indonesia. Not that Indonesia is terrible, but my definition of growth had become a place, when in fact, God created each and every culture beautiful in its own ways. Life outside the ‘Biola bubble’ will look different when I am not constantly being spiritually fed.

Time of Preparation

During my packing week, my friends would walk with me in my vulnerability; we’d be in prayer and Scripture together. I cherished every minute of it.  These highs prepared me for the lows that I know will come when I am away from what I consider 'home'.

“I will take hold of you” -Psalm 121

Finding Home

I was back home yet I did not feel at home. I had many days of mourning and wrestling with God. Until the time had come to stop the pity party and ask myself, “What could God be teaching me in this messy season?”

In this in-between, I was reminded:

• A different season is not a bad season

• A delay does not mean a denial

• God’s promise will come through still as I am in good company

  • Joseph waited 14 years in prison, Abraham waited 100 years for a son

A waiting season is a time of testing of our faith. If Apostle Paul, though in chains, can still rejoice and be a good witness to others, how much more can I? Wherever I may be, I realized that home is being in the center of God’s will.

My choice is to consider it all joy in all circumstances or to continue in my dissatisfaction. I chose to consider it all joy when all I have that is constant is God. I chose to combat grumblings with praise and thanksgiving.

In my time of trying to know what God will is and where God will is, I learned that often, God cares more about the condition of our heart than the direction we are taking. 

CONCLUSION

There is a sweet, sweet beauty of letting Jesus rewrite my “paper”.  I have witnessed so much of His goodness in this season of the unknown. There has been many divine encounters and open doors. Sure, I miss the joy that comes from being with my friends and comfort zone. But I know, God will always catch me and will always be enough. More than enough. He is the Beauty in the in-between.

Let’s join the chorus of people of faith before us who sang, “Give thanks to the Lord, His love endures forever.” (Ps.136)

Let’s face the unknowns head on-- focusing not on what the future holds but on whom holds our future.

“Be glad, there is wonderful joy ahead!” (1 Peter 1:6).