Three cities in a week’s time and a schedule that only allows for less than an hour of breather before the next, I was exhausted.  While sitting next to 2 empty seats, I start feeling the loneliness of my calling this season.

As much as I portray the very independent woman I am,  I long to raise a family and build a home that I didn’t have growing up. I sighed, “Lord, I am tired of having nobody to love. I want someone to come home to and care for me after I spend the day being strong for others.

Though I know He has promised me, “The man I have for you will be worth the wait”,

Though I know I am booked with work this season and He is calling me to a time of ministry of deeper friendships and giving,

Though I know He is pruning my heart still, 

The middle is confusing and full of uncertainty. It starts to get lonely in Friday nights And now looking back seems good.

Will I give in or stay the course? Will I settle or will I wait for His promise that I know is better and bigger?

Take this Thorn, Lord. 

The Enemy knows that one of my weakness is In the area of relationships.  it’s easy to demand of God, “I’ve worked so hard for social good, stayed single for 25 years, where is my reward Lord?” It is easy to compromise, “I’ll get me a boy for fun to call when I am lonely.”

Like Paul in His prayer, “Take this thorn of weakness Lord”, I prayed God will provide a way out when I face trials and temptation. 

So what shall we do with this thorn while we wait?

1.The first step to change your feeling is being honest with your feelings.

God knows your burdens. No one knows It better than Him. No men, no parent, no spouse, no sibling could understand you more than God. Be honest with Him. You have to name it, to be able to start healing from it. Honest prayers bring supernatural strength. When you are weak, the Spirit helps you in your weakness.

The call is not just to a one time prayer. Obedience is continued prayer. 

If you are honest as you pray, you will slowly begin to mature in your prayer. There will be an adjustment in your prayer to say like Jesus did, “Take this cup from Me, if it is Thy will.”

So we say, “God if you’re not going to take this away, please use this”

2. The second step is to stay faithful in the pressing & guard against weakness

Growing a business, I feel my sacrifice is I do not have time to date or hang out. As I focus on the purpose God has put in my heart to grow my social media & social work, the possibility to meet a spouse seems distant. 

Your calling will create a cross; and your cross will create a crossroad. God asks in the crossroad: Will you keep obeying or will you call it quit? To follow God’s calling, God will ask you to give up good for better. You must create a space for the good you desire

Don’t go back to toxic when you’re thirsty

What is in front of you is no comparison to what is behind you. 

God asked me, “Do you want to throw away the greater gift that I want to give you because you choose this version of what you know is good?”

The crossroad is the place of pressing. Your calling will press you. Doing the right thing will press you. Living a life of integrity will press you. Not settling down will press you.

Guard against your weaknesses for the enemy prowl like a lion looking for someone to devour. Ask for His power in your weakness; and rely on prayer for you know you cannot do it on your own. To receive the things God has promised, surrender by faith and find strength in prayer.

3. The third is to see the examples of Godly women who has gone before

“I want a boyfriend to make me happy,” I texted my older sister. She texted back, “A boyfriend will not solve that.” Another friend said, “Relationship is two imperfect people, who come as wholes, committing to each other in good and bad. days” In your moment of weakness, call a friend, journal your prayers, or listen to podcasts or books to give you encouragement. 

All those disappointments, rejections, stress, and heartaches are God’s protection and blessing in disguise. He is working behind the scenes more than you know. 

If there are stories out there of how amazing love story brought about by God, you wont be the exemption. He can do that for you too when you trust His timing and His way. Rather than worrying about the future or stuck with the past, You must make space for the good you desire.

God encouraged me, “You have a heart to speak to young girls on purity, one day you will meet a man who will protect you on that during the dating journey , so you can speak with authority in the issue.” . Until that day. And as for you as well, wait well, my friends.

May you rise up to face each day, believing His best for you is ahead.

May you desire to know His will always,

T.W.

Ps. Podcasts I want to recommend: Dream Check by Nicole Ivanov on SPOTIFY!