Recently, I have been pondering on the topic of relationship, not the friendship kind.. the one that we hold till-death-do-us-apart. This is the year when most of my friends are either dating, engaged or married. Having never been in a boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship, it started with the wonderings:

”How shall the Christian woman wait for a relationship? What does it look like? Is the married life more fulfilling than the single life?” I typed to a married friend.

The wonderings birthed out longings—to be fully seen, deeply known, and completely heard. I know these desires, if left untamed, will grow into a source of constant dissatisfaction in life. So I wanted to give the longings back to Him because it was too stifling for me to carry on my own. Perhaps the longing must die that Christ may make something beautiful; For when we bury our seed, it is through its death that comes to its multiplied life. 

The Lord must teach me to long for something better. 

He must teach me that “Man doesn’t live by bread alone, but by every Word that comes from the mouth of the Lord” (Matt 4:4). This discipline and patience of enough-for-the-day I know will be of great worth in the journey of faith.

In the love story of two missionary named Jim Elliot and Elisabeth Elliot, I began to see what it looks like to wait. During the prolonged phase of distance they had to discern God’s calling between singleness and missions, Elisabeth penned these words in her journal=

The Lord has brought about growth in me through knowing him, something I cannot regret, though there have been times when I wished I’d never met him. I have to give him to the Lord regularly. I live “present tense” more than ever before and have managed to overcome the plaguing desire to know if “we” will eventually work out. I’ve told the Lord I want to be an obedient Servant, and He shot back, “And are you willing to face grief and pain or whatever it takes for Me to make you that?” Even though I felt unable, I said, “What choice do I have?” I know too much to drop the ball now, there’s no turning back.” Id’ be lying if I said I wasn’t afraid. But he has brought me this far and already my joy is unspeakable.

What a beautiful testament that of self-sacrifice and deferred gratification that brings forth unexplainable joy from Above. It was in this waiting and giving the longing back to Him that the Lord grew her into Himself.

“Let not our longing slay the appetite of our living” - Jim Elliot

By giving my longings to God, I am living into what Chambers is saying: If I hold spiritual blessings or friendship for myself they will corrupt me, no matter how beautiful they are. I have to pour them out before the Lord, give them to Him in my mind, though it looks as if I am wasting them, even as avid poured the water out on the sand, to be instantly sucked up. As it takes faith for a farmer to plant a seed, It takes faith to believe, to live by it, and to keep looking at the joyful end of it all.

So, in the waiting, we live in the right spirit in faith. The empty chair, the empty bed, and the lonely weekends can be taken with an open hand of acceptance and faith. The maturity of our character, that produces steady hope comes from our ability to respond in such.

Jesus too is no stranger to loneliness. As a twelve years old, He was misunderstood by His earthly parents. His public ministry was usually with crowds who came to criticize or attack him. Even with his twelve closest friends, He had arguments, misunderstandings, and abandonment. Luke tells that when Jesus was teaching everyday in the temple, He went off to spend every night on the Mount of Olives. The words He had for the people came out of prolonged silence on that quiet hillside, under the stars. So I learn to wait on Him=

Truly, my heart waits silently for God; My deliverance comes from him.

In truth, he is my rock of deliverance, My tower of strength, that I stand unshaken

Trust always in God, my people,

Pour out your hearts before him; God is our shelter.

-Psalm 62:7

The things that we feel most deeply we ought to learn to be silent about, at least until we have talked them over thoroughly with God. In my longings, I easily sought out friends or entertainment to cheer the broken spirit, which only temporarily soothes the emptiness inside. Many times, I ask the Lord for Godly community but sometimes He only gives me the gift of Himself. That too is enough.

These are some truths that I have discovered in times of loneliness and longings=

Be still and know He is God.

Remember that you’re not alone.

Give thanks.

Refuse self Pity.

Offer up your loneliness to God.

Do something for somebody else.

Consider the words of Amy Carmichael here on the greatest cure =

If I look back longingly upon what used to be, and linger among the ways of memory, so that my power to help is weakened, then I know nothing of Calvary’s love.”

Pray with me,

How will we educate our taste for heavenly things, if we surfeited with earthly? Lord if this is to make me whole and holy, let it be unto me according to Thy word. Heightened my sense and quench my thirst by Your Calvary’s love. For my loneliness, Lord—your strength. For my temptation to self-pity, Lord—your strength. For my uncontrollable longings, Lord—your strength.

May this be an encouragement,

Tam