He Who Finds a Wife, Finds a Good Thing

One night after coming home from a bar with a bunch of this guy's friend, God gave a very strong question, "Why are you putting yourself in a place of junk?"

God was telling me that this is not where I am supposed to be in. It took time to finally say, "Okay Lord, I know... It's time to go." I knew this is a person God does not want in any part of my future.

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I reached out to an older couple from work, whose family life always look so picture-perfect on Instagram. Where you see men cheating left and right, I wanted to know what was their secret to have a lasting marriage. So I asked how to know if I am ready for marriage. How to know if this is a marriage-material man.

To know if I was ready for marriage…

Do you know that you are the prize, Tam?" the wife asked.
I asked back, "What do you mean?" "Yes, the woman is the prize", her husband next to her agreeing.
That idea was novel, that I was the prize.

He continued, "You have been fighting all your life to change the narrative in your work space. But in relationship, you cannot fix a broken man. God wants you to be with someone who does not need fixing, someone who will treat you like a prize. Just like when I chose to commit to my wife as the one, I commit to protecting her for the rest of my life. She was my prize."

To know if a man is ready for marriage…
In the Bible, Adam was created first. He did not need anything else but God --He was content, was able to till the land to provide for himself and is whole. It was God's gift to Adam to bring Eve out of his ribcage--an equal. Relationship has to be two whole persons, accepting each others’ in their flaws and all.

If one person coming in 50%, the other would quickly get drained and the relationship become unhealthy. “You are the one to be cherished. If a man can’t respect you now, trust me it’s not going to change in marriage one day” concerned about me.
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I was listening to a Podcast on Spotify by Riley Kehoe, who was in a toxic relationship before she met her husband. One of her friend, the podcast guest, as she knew of Riley who was in this toxic relationship thought:

“ How can this beautiful, amazing girl, whom God loves so much is entertaining this behavior and not seeing herself as God sees her?”

The guy wasn't even responding much to texts, and she wanted for her: A man who loves her the way God wants her to be treated--loved, cherished, respected. "Remember, He who finds a wife, finds a good thing" she said.

I did not know better; I dated very crappy. This is what I learned. When you don’t know your value, you let someone else tell you what you are worth.You let this guy who treats you like crap, tell you that is good enough for you. The cure?  If I have a crush on Jesus, and obsessed on getting to know him, then I would fall in love with who love is. From there, I would then learn how to love myself, how to love others and how I should be loved by someone else.
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He who finds a wife. Not he who finds a fiance.

Be that person first. "Are you nurturing your spiritual life in your time of singleness now?", "Are you taking care of your body like a temple of the holy Spirit?", "Are you building up a supportive community?"

Think of a couple you respect and ask yourself, "Will that wife be doing this thing?" Then you will know how to place yourself in a situation to do the right thing a wife would. Women who are in striving marriages; they are not going out in bars, they are cutting out unhealthy relationships, they are working on things that a great wife would.

We should not compromise our future relationship by putting ourselves in situation where we can be compromised.  Wait for the future man that God has for you, and be that prize now, so that he will respect you too one day.

Do the things that a great wife you know will you and surround yourself with healthy community.
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It was a Church Sunday, a respectable aunty who loves Jesus saw me. Having not met me for a long time, she asked me: "Do you already have a partner?" I said, "No Tante". She said, "Be patient , my dear." gently touching my cheek as to comfort. It was so out of the blue, I felt seen and cared for by the Lord. He sees you too.

So prepare well. The Lord sees your longing and you can park your longing to him. And He will not just satisfy your longings now, He will transform and purify your longings. And when you are tired, ask for His hand to touch.

"Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord be upon us, even as we hope in you - Psalm 33:20-22

God's timing is beautiful. There will be a man who is competent, contented, and will find you to be the prize. He will handle you carefully, even with his touch, to make sure that you know it is to respect you. Allow God, to bring you forth to be found just like Eve to Adam. Practice how to be that Godly wife today.

Lord, prepare me to be a Godly wife.

x,

T.W.