“If God has told you to walk away, don’t keep giving an excuse for the guy,” a friend reminded. Though I was hurt by the action of someone I was seeing, I did not want to let go. Close friends were pointing out red flags, that I kept justifying. I reasoned, not wanting to lose someone who has made me happy for a time.
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When a relationship is over. There is a loss. Many of us don’t want to accept the good parts and don’t allow ourselves to miss them, afraid that It will mean that the one we lost, or the relationship has power over us.
I needed to acknowledge it was a meaningful experience. There were real moments of laughter and of connection. It was good for what it was but it is also an expired relationship.
I was going back and forth. Like waves, these feelings come and go. Some days I reflect on what happened and have strong feelings about it. On other days I won’t. The intensity of my feelings goes up and down and comes and goes. Until they go more than they come.
I took a solo trip away as I process my heart. I thought closure meant I needed an answer—to assemble the puzzle pieces until there was satisfaction. But closure happens right after you accept letting go and moving on is more important than protecting a fantasy about the situation could have been. Closure don’t require an apology, explanation, or answer.
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Why It was hard to let go though it robbed me of my peace?
I wanted to feel desired and pursued.
I did not trust God had something better.
I desired happiness. And I couldn’t understand why God wanted me to walk away where I am happy?
Yet I have seen how God works. God reveals His plan not all at once. But one at a time. And it’s when I obey Him in the small steps that He may slowly reveal—as to say, “Will you trust Me?”
Hebrew 11: 7-10:
By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family..
By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going.. For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
God wants me to obey and take action regardless of knowing what is on the other side. I wanted it to work. Yet I desired that less than to dishonor God by my disobedience.
Even when I can’t see His hand, I can trust His heart.
A relationship is a gift and not a right. My obedience to God is my worship.
When I confessed my desire to please Him more than my own desire, a thought occurred, “Stop trying to make something out of yourself.”
I realized I needed to stop trying to fight for my own happiness and security.
The still small voice reassured, “It’s not only about your happiness. It’s your sanctification and purity. And trust me, true joy is when you are sanctified to live in My way.’
“So, which will you follow: Mine or thine?”
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God help me change my feelings because I can’t on my own.
During this time, I embarked on a 40-day devotional journey of Purity by Moral Revolution. I had lies I needed to replace with God’s truths.
That…
I am a daughter of the King. My old, dead nature was crucified with Him on the cross. Now I live by faith and share in His nature and righteousness.
My Father has given me all that is His—His spirit, His nature, His love, His Kingdom. He has provided for my body, soul, and spirit to be 100% whole and filled with abundant life.
That I am 100% whole even without a guy.
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Was I ready to date?
A guy has to go so deep into God’s heart to find me for I have learned to hid myself in God.
I wanted to have someone who can pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace from a pure heart with me (2 Tim 22:2). But I know I wasn’t ready to date…
Dating is more about what you can give than it is about what you can take.
I was struggling to assume the best of the other person. I had a trust issue— unable to give my whole heart from fear of getting hurt. I was insecure— not even a ring could give me the security I needed.
My desires may feel loving, but they are only really loving if they align with God’s best.
So may it be that this season of "‘break-up'“ and being single becomes a time to find my joy, confidence, and security in God even more.
Here’s to looking to Jesus as our first source of comfort and affection,
x,
Tamara
It started with God first asking, "Do you want it?" He asked if I wanted what He has for me. Only when I was ready to say ‘Yes’, the next question He asked , "Do you now see what I want you to have?" And then He asked me "Do you now believe I can give this to you?