A Letter to the Newly 'Single Again’ Woman

Maybe you just got out of a relationship. Or you were in the “almost a relationship”, dreaming of the excitement of finally having the “one”. But it didn’t work out.

So here you are. Single again..

During this time of singleness, 

You pick up the pieces of what was left in the dust. To find yourself again. And relearn how to navigate through life without the other in the picture.

Lady, you CAN move on and move forward. You don’t have to live your days wondering if you will ever find “the one”.  Here are 3 truth reminders for your healing journey. 

1.Singleness is a gift

After an emotionally charged event in your life, you may want to deliberately take a heart sabbatical..away from dating.

Do you know that Paul in 1 Cor 7 calls singleness a gift?

He does not call it a gift because there is a lack of desire for companionship. And it certainly does not mean a gift for the select few who don't experience emotional struggle or longing to be married.

What this ‘gift’ means is the freedom to concentrate in building up yourself and others in ways in dating you could not. Now, you have more time to minister. There may be loneliness yes, but God is helping you to grow spiritually and be fruitful in the lives of others despite them. And remember, this gift may not be lifelong, but a grace given for a period of time.

2. Build relationships with yourself & those around you

What you’ve proved through your ‘failed’ relationship is how big your heart was—the capacity for it to care a whole lot. That was why it hurt so much. You truly cared. You truly tried.

Now is a time you can get to know yourself again. You can invest in finding your passions and making new memories. Go read that novel, book that flight ticket or say hi to that community.

What gets broken in relationships can be healed in the community.

Learn to love again. You can still love those around you—your family and friends. Remember that they never left you. In fact, now you can practice working out a great friendship. So that one day you’ll learn to love better.

Don’t try to fill that void that was left jarring be filled with another romantic relationship. Take the time to truly be content with who yo are. So in the next relationship, you won’t expect your partner to make you happy all the time.. Because girl, no men can do that for you. Only God can. When you are first content being single, will your relationship be centered around serving each other.

3. Forgive yourself & the other person

The thing that holds you back from fully moving on is that you haven’t fully forgiven yourself. You’re stuck in that cycle of shame and guilt. Of why the relationship didn’t work out. Of why you let your guard down and let him in. And allowed him to hurt you. You didn’t know.

And forgive him. For bringing your hopes up. For not keeping his promises. Or for not having a mutual feeling. After forgiveness, comes acceptance. Accept that it did not work out and you were not for each other. Often it is unresolved shame for past offenses that stir up present, obsessive fantasies. Only when you’ve accepted where you are, you can begin to allow grace to enter your life. And that grace will give you the power to begin afresh. To accept the reality of new possibilities:

Sometimes the end is sudden 

And you are left without closure, heartbroken and unprepared  for such a sharp change

For a while, you live with a mind that is half here and half full of regret, 

Wondering, “what if?”

For a while, your heart only feels grief and your mind only sees gray

And then life starts to call you back into its arena of possibility; 

It reminds you that all is not lost

And that even though a chapter ended, There is still a longer story to be told

With time and intention, Wounds lose their heaviness,

Healing fills the tough parts of your being,

And you awaken the light of love within yourself

In time, you will return fully into the precious now

With a heart that feels refreshed and ready to move forward

- Yung Pueblo

Prayer:

God, help me to want singleness the way you want singleness for me now. I cannot desire it for myself, I need your grace to see Your love for me is all I need to fill my deepest longings. Only You can satisfy and love me ever so completely, fully, and perfectly. Give me the faith to trust in your perfect timing.

—

P.S. Lean in. Press forward. One day at a time. Or an hour at a time. Reach out to friends. One day you will look back and be so proud of how far you’ve gone.

You are a warrior,

T.W.