"Comparison is a joy-killer!" I have heard this multiple times yet fail to let it sink at times.
There are times I would be guilty of not loving myself nor being gracious to myself enough. I wake up at 7 AM, forcing myself out of bed to hit the gym sometimes not because I love my body. I scroll through my Instagram feed filled with "picture-perfect" photos only to find myself wanting and comparing. I wished to be someone I am not. Can you relate??
Dont get me wrong, I LOVE working out, but it can be unhealthy quickly too. Everything good has a tendency to be bad.
I was at a gathering with a bunch of gal pals one night. As we shared our insecurities to one another, I learn that what one tries so hard to attain can foster deep insecurity in the other. I did not realize that my displaying "perfection"--in the way I dress or talk--perpetuates the cycle of women pursuing unattainable reality! All these striving for face-value perfections keep usfrom seeing the heart of the matter, the matter of the heart.
Then I thought, "If Christ told us to love others as ourselves.. How can I love others if I don't love myself?"
Not to be self-centered in our love, but.. Can we really be overly judgemental on ourselves yet genuinely love others still?
Repent. Refrain. Reframe.
I needed to pause and reflect. I needed to repent, refrain, and reframe my self-worth in the True light.
I have to repent for pointing others to myself not on God-- being prideful and doubtful. You see, arrogance and self-doubt are two sides of the same coin of self-rejection. Underneath my arrogance lies much self-doubt. When I start to believe the voices telling me 'I am worthless and conditionally loved', it becomes easy to perceive success, popularity, and power as attractive solutions.
There is a line I like from the book, Black Like Me , it said: "He cannot understand how the white man can show the most demeaning aspects of his nature and at the same time delude himself into thinking he is inherently superior." The author was referring to the pridefulness in the human heart. Pride and self-rejection 'lift the heart against God. It contents for supremacy against him. A creature so utterly dependent, fearfully guilty, yet proud in heart,' as Charles Bridges would say.
It requires me to refrain from unhealthy social media habits, to unfollow certain accounts and to unplug from my phone for a while until I relearn a healthy sense of self again.
It also requires me to also reframe the way I define beauty.
Here are..
Time Tested Beauty Tips by Sam Levenson
For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Isn't it funny, we all have our ideal image of the "perfect job", "perfect look", "perfect.. (you fill in the blank)", yet deep down we know these are never going to fully satisfy.
I am grateful that I am surrounded by friends whom I can be raw with and keep me accountable when I start obsessing about my diet or work out. These gals would remind me of my unconditional worth in Christ.
I challenge us girls, to be the first in our friend group to start building friendships where we promise each other not to talk about counting calories, instead to affirm one another's inner qualities.
“As we light our light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence actually liberates better.”
We need to be raw, find accountable partners, change our inner talk and the way we talk about beauty. The way we talk about it shapes the way we see beauty,the worth we ascribe to it, and how we relate to others based on their assigned worth :) Again and again, I find myself falling to this trap of self-rejection. I am here with you on this journey to freedom. We may fall but we learn to pick ourselves up even stronger and wiser, the next time around.
Yours,
Tam
It started with God first asking, "Do you want it?" He asked if I wanted what He has for me. Only when I was ready to say ‘Yes’, the next question He asked , "Do you now see what I want you to have?" And then He asked me "Do you now believe I can give this to you?